I realized I had embarked on a life style change, not just a short term completion of a goal. The research I had done on training in the gym and in the kitchen molded a brighter outlook on health and fitness and how important it is. I am one who has unfortunate family health history and the changes I made would only benefit me to keep on keepin’ on.
I fell in love with the art of shaping my body through the science and hard work that is bodybuilding. It was exciting and intriguing to observe the development in striations, vascularity, and muscle tone as my training progressed. I also enjoyed being an example and motivation to others who wanted to embark on the journey.
When I started trekking I was in a happily committed relationship, had a good job, had amazing friends, and a pretty darn good life to say the least. I was just a little unhappy with my lack of fitness and body composition. I also wanted to try something new and active.
As positive as this all sounds…each journey has ruts, hills, and barricades along the way. Bodybuilding requires a mass amount of time and dedication. Time: this includes the time spent at the gym, prepping food, posing practice; as well as time AWAY from family and/or significant other, friends, and daily duties that need to be done. I ended up sacrificing much quality time with my partner and friends, which was a bit detrimental on those relationships.
Within my dedication I also sacrificed money for supplements, a more costly grocery expense, gym membership, posing suits, and training. I definitely sacrificed sleep, adding on the quality workouts equals exhaustion. The lack of daily recuperation and mental focus from dieting made work harder to get through.
These sacrifices and outcomes from them caused me to often be irritable, sad, and sometimes depressed. My partner and I became distant. I wasn’t able to fully attend friendly gatherings because I was singled out by my chicken, veggies and water, while they had their cocktails and o’dourves. I wasn’t my spunky self most of the time because I was sore, tired, and determined.
I had always felt that as soon as I reached the stage, the entire journey was worth it. BUT, was it really?? I mean, the appearance of it all made me giddy, the confidence I had was strong, and the reactions of others were heart felt. BUT, was I really HAPPY?
This is what often goes through my head during the off seasons from training hard. Is it all worth it? Am I a happier person having an average body composition while being able to enjoy quality time with friends and family?
The hard thing about both situations is that either way, it messes with my head and causes stress and depression. If I am fit and dedicated, I am sad not to be doing fun things with friends and family, not having more time, money and sleep, and plainly not being more relaxed. If I am average then I compare myself to what I could be and miss it, I feel inadequate, and less confident.
I write this in hopes that I am not the only one who feels this way and struggles with it daily. This life style change was truly one of the greatest journeys I have ever made, but to be honest also one of the hardest to accept and manage. I hope that eventually I will be able to find a route and plan that keeps me trekking at a happy medium in all aspects.
