Tuesday, September 16, 2008
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What am I worth?
Have you ever asked yourself how
much you are really worth? If so do you compare yourself with money, objects,
or time? Ever thought about comparing love, compassion, honesty, and even
happiness? How much of these things am I really worth?
I have lately asked myself
this because I am not quite sure. I don't know how much I need to give in
order to receive the amount of emotional nourishment I need to strive on. I
feel all I can do is try my best to give my all in hopes to obtain enough joy
and truth to live a happy successful life.
Ever stopped to think if you
were living the life you were really meant to live? This question I also
stumble over…A LOT lately. I sit here contemplating what is my purpose here
on earth? What the duties are that I am supposed to fulfill? Who am I
supposed to be? I guess you could just say I am in an identity crisis and am
still in the process of finding answers, but in all honesty will answers to
these questions ever come in full? I am starting to think not.
I think I can serve others,
help those in need, be a friend to everyone, give a smile and brighten
someone's day, be a good student, have a career, support and love my family,
and be on call for those who need me 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and find
happiness and a heart filled with joy by doing all of the above. I am the
happiest when those I love are happy. Though at times it is hard to find
happiness when those you love are happier when they are not with you, but on the
bright side there are many other things in the world I can try to
overcompensate for that.
Time is a magical thing as
well as a tormenting thing. I like to be optimistic and just say "It'll
all get better in time" and I really have faith it will. Doesn't mean
there won't be a scar there when it does get better, but the pain will be
lightened and a lot more bearable. I have not found a pain more excruciating
than the loss of someone who holds a strong place in my heart. Lately I have
felt that I have lost too many of those and am left with empty spaces.
Whether it is death, change of heart, or just my stupidity, I've felt the
pain of those places in my heart becoming hollow.
I wish to tell all those who
are so dear to me that I love them and am so grateful for all they do for me!
I wouldn't be here without them. I owe so much to those who have crossed my
path and feel there is nothing worthy enough that I could give or do to repay
them.
To those in my
situation…just think of yourself as priceless and then you don't have to
bother wondering what you are worth. Be grateful for what you have because
I'm sure there is someone somewhere that doesn't have it. It's really not
about that anyway is it? Just be happy giving and soon enough you will
receive. At least that is what I try to keep telling myself…
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