What am I worth?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

 

What am I worth? Have you ever asked yourself how much you are really worth? If so do you compare yourself with money, objects, or time? Ever thought about comparing love, compassion, honesty, and even happiness? How much of these things am I really worth?  I have lately asked myself this because I am not quite sure. I don't know how much I need to give in order to receive the amount of emotional nourishment I need to strive on. I feel all I can do is try my best to give my all in hopes to obtain enough joy and truth to live a happy successful life.  Ever stopped to think if you were living the life you were really meant to live? This question I also stumble over…A LOT lately. I sit here contemplating what is my purpose here on earth? What the duties are that I am supposed to fulfill? Who am I supposed to be? I guess you could just say I am in an identity crisis and am still in the process of finding answers, but in all honesty will answers to these questions ever come in full? I am starting to think not.  I think I can serve others, help those in need, be a friend to everyone, give a smile and brighten someone's day, be a good student, have a career, support and love my family, and be on call for those who need me 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and find happiness and a heart filled with joy by doing all of the above. I am the happiest when those I love are happy. Though at times it is hard to find happiness when those you love are happier when they are not with you, but on the bright side there are many other things in the world I can try to overcompensate for that.  Time is a magical thing as well as a tormenting thing. I like to be optimistic and just say "It'll all get better in time" and I really have faith it will. Doesn't mean there won't be a scar there when it does get better, but the pain will be lightened and a lot more bearable. I have not found a pain more excruciating than the loss of someone who holds a strong place in my heart. Lately I have felt that I have lost too many of those and am left with empty spaces. Whether it is death, change of heart, or just my stupidity, I've felt the pain of those places in my heart becoming hollow.  I wish to tell all those who are so dear to me that I love them and am so grateful for all they do for me! I wouldn't be here without them. I owe so much to those who have crossed my path and feel there is nothing worthy enough that I could give or do to repay them.  To those in my situation…just think of yourself as priceless and then you don't have to bother wondering what you are worth. Be grateful for what you have because I'm sure there is someone somewhere that doesn't have it. It's really not about that anyway is it? Just be happy giving and soon enough you will receive. At least that is what I try to keep telling myself…